24/7

Matthew Davis                                       Stateville CC                                      Crest Hill, Illinois

The question I'm asked most often by people not in prison is “what is it like in there?”. My answer is usually “it sucks.” While that answer is totally accurate it does nothing to describe what its really like in here. The truth of the matter is that inmates are victimized and dehumanized nearly every second of every day. I'm not talking about the victimization sensationalized on every prison movie or show on TV where we are depicted as this cancerous society destroying ourselves. You've all been conditioned to believe that violence, rape, theft and extortion are prevalent amongst the inmate population. Yes those things do happen but it is mostly done to us by prison staff. Any violence, real violence,  is promoted and facilitated by prison staff. Confused? Let me put it this way. Prison is like high school nearly everyone knows everyone. Everyone, including staff, knows who the troublemakers and bugs are. Troublemakers are tolerable, but bugs are not. In case you're wondering, a bug is someone who is basically crazy in the weirdest ways. They exhibit any of the following behaviors... cut themselves, talk to imaginary people, do not wash their bodies, scream and holler, have major OCD, and just do weird shit in general. I know that doesn't sound bad, but imagine being locked in a 10x12 box with one 24 hours a day. But I digress. My point is that staff knows who these guys are and in order to create unease and unrest they force those of us who can cope and deal with this situation to live with those guys. Right this very instant my cellmate is sitting three feet away from me arguing with an imaginary person. I have been locked in this box with him for almost a year for nearly 24 hours a day. Do you think the stress is hurting or helping me? I have to sleep in here with a guy who quite obviously hear voices or some shit and, oh did I mention he is a convicted murderer. There are enough bugs to house them together but they would rather put them with us. So, the violence, the real violence, comes when you had back to back bug ass cellies for years and one of them finally crosses generous line you’ve drawn. You are forced to beat, mame or even kill that person because let's face it no one’s coming to help you. You’re in a  small ass concrete box with a murderer and well shit happens.

So that's what it's like inside your cell. Once you leave your cell for 20 or 30 minutes, maybe a couple hours if you're lucky, you got a deal with the officers bullshit. Everyday is met with a new, unexpected, irrational rule. Today you can wear a ball cap but are told to take your hands out of your pocket. Tomorrow, you can put your hands in your pockets, but can't wear hats. The next day you can do both but have to stop 50 times in the hundred feet it takes to get to the dining room. It's insane, but effective for mental domination.

At times it seems like the only relief you can find is with a friend or family outside of here. There's a few catches, though. If you want to call someone it's nearly five bucks for a 30 minute call. If you want to write a letter, the mail room is nearly a month behind so while my letter will get to you and 3 or 4 days your response won’t reach me for about a month. If I am blessed to have someone willing to visit me they will be forced to endure rude, overbearing officers in the visiting room with blasting AC in the winter. I might get one visit, but the chances of another are slim.

It may seem like I'm complaining. I guess I am. But my complaint does not stem from my treatment. My complaint comes from the fact that my treatment is in direct contradiction to the mission statement of prison. Just go to IDOC.com and tell me if my treatment, my environment is conducive to the goals of allegedly set forth by the prison system.

After this rant, you can see now why I always stick to the simple answer of “it sucks”.